A date with melancholy

I’ve known for a while that I’d need a day like today. One is enough, or I’ll need another in some time. Today I took a long walk. I let the wind chill me and sweep the melancholy over me. When I came home I was weary. My blood sugar was low, I was quite dehydrated and at my lowest. It was done intentionally.

Now I’m wrapped in a big blanket, I got my cup of tea and a wee bit of bitter chocolate. I am taking a day off, off from everything and everyone. Tonight I’ll only think about myself. I’ll only care about myself. I’ve immersed myself in melancholy and I’ll stay until I wake up tomorrow morning.

I’m not sad, my life is good. But today I will let everything that has been less than ok for the past months linger inside my head. I will relive every painful moment, deal with it and let it go. I’ve worked hard and I haven’t achieved everything I wanted to. I still have a long way to go and a steep hill to climb. Some things I have to let go in order to move on. For certain things I didn’t get the closure I wanted, tonight I’ll close them on my own.

I’m born with a good dose of determination. I have enough inspiration to last a lifetime. I have a few cans left of motivation, but I’ll wait until tomorrow before I open them. Tonight it’s just me and my melancholy, a big blanket, a cup of tea and some mushy songs.


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